I left 5 months ago. Travelled since. I have had a good share of wonder, introspection and happiness above all.
It was quite an intense experience to come back and spend 3 weeks doing the exact same things I was doing while I used to live here. I made a leap into my past and watched from distance how the new me coped with the old one.
Sweden is a beautiful country but cold. I really don’t know if I will ever consider living back here. I am most sure now that I am not compatible with the human spirit here and my way was never compatible with theirs. I function much better when feeling warm (inside and outside). We are different. Not better or wiser, just different.
Swedish people are practical, they hate drama and conflict and keep things for themselves. They are balanced, hard working, quite good looking and live in beautiful cosy houses from fairyland. Sounds like a cliche’ but I have learned it is the truth. Not a bad place to be, really. 🙂
I am way too familiar with “the grass is not greener on the other side”, “you’re chasing the end of the rainbow” etc. Truth is, I want to see all the grass, greener or not. Chasing the rainbow is quite fun, as well. But I have a deep respect for the ones choosing to invest in their community, backgrounds, families and friends. It is not easy. We are each driven towards something and we all have our own set of ideals. There is no right or wrong. I would just love to see more people smiling and in peace with their lives, that’s all.
I however, am all over the place so I need to literally be all over the places in order to function properly. I am hooked on breathtaking and soul shattering experiences. I love meeting people with different cultural backgrounds, strong and passionate personalities and peculiar ways of seeing things. I love communication, I love real presence and awareness, I love giving and expecting nothing but be ecstatic when receiving so much in return. I love not taking someone’s love for granted or their time or their friendship. I love the lack of routine and boredom and identical days repeating and crushing the spirit.
I love being stripped from labels, circumstances, predefined ideas, form and social pressure. I love feeling good about my work and accomplishments, taking care of myself, respecting the others and have the shyness and genuineness of someone living in constant change. I love feeling so grateful all the time and the amount of love that I can carry, with all that free space left from frustration, worries and guilt.
I love moulding time in my hands like kids’ plasticine, stretch it at my will, when beauty hits my way and let it pass when in need of rest.
I love moving, feeling alive and dance my way into the whole world with wide open eyes and curious spirit.
As for my share of personal growth, I am slowly trying to learn how to let go of such a deeply rooted need to have control over everything including hypothetical scenarios. Of accepting that things might not go my way all the time, that stability might seem comfortable but it takes so much energy and sacrifice to maintain. It takes away the spontaneity and playfulness that we have in our hearts and transforms us into the slaves of our own mechanisms.
I work on getting rid of trivialities, control stress and anxiety and replace it with acceptance and common sense. We are highly adaptable beings and we can fix stuff all the time. We can always make the best out of the worst and when we cannot act, appeal to patience and a friendly advice from our loved ones.
I am going to end this post on a practical note and say that I prefer my bank account wearing a fishing vest with many full pockets, rather than a pair of underwear with holes in it. And will keep striving for that. But all the material things I own right now (except 2 full backpacks) are just a big pain in the administrational arse. I wonder how many of you feel the same?