I must confess that I am absolutely terrified of selfies. I don’t understand faces, anymore. I am Instagram and Facebook instructed to know what qualifies for the perfect shot in the perfect face but what a perfect waste of interpretation. I see people doing kissy, marvelled, upset, sexy, horrified and inquisitive faces, tried it myself and what a total mess! If the point was to feel better or more beautiful or even worse, more interesting, I’ve literally only managed to count my wrinkles better and feel completely disconnected from myself. I am 34, after all, and thoughts and gravity are constantly and visibly shaping my looks into what I am hoping it’s going to become a gracious old face. This is happening to you, too, by the way. No ducky lips will bring your youth back. Find a way to deal with it.
What is the social purpose of the face, anyway?
Flirtation? Acknowledgment? Power?
Flirtation has a totally different meaning for me now; I flirt with men, women and life in pretty much the same manner. I have no specific criteria. I am not trying to charm anyone, let alone get their approval. I want people to always feel thick and whole in my presence. Like we are both there and then, alive and awesome. By default. We create our own magic.
With regards to acknowledgment, I’ve developed a fine taste for touch and have a whole library stored in my head. It has become my favourite sense after sound perception; I have an extremely soft spot for interesting minds and care very little about facial appearance (remember though, you can always be fit and healthy, no matter what face you have). I used to be obsessed with smell and pretty people but I got used to both. Bad smells and pretty people. Completely immune. Well… with those exceptions that confirm the rule, of course.
I took this photo because of the wall, to be honest. I had a video call and noticed that the wall behind me was very photogenic. So I thought it could benefit my face. I think it did. But I still feel the same. Half wonder woman and half unicorn at a busy intersection. Nothing changed. The times I really feel beautiful, have nothing to do with selfies, walls and good light. It’s all about interaction. Eye contact. Genuine curiosity. Alert spirits. An obsession with life and feeling alive. A touch. A disarming smile and also a terribly good laugh. This is all the power I need.