I think I finally understood what homesick means. I would assume it’s the same type of ache that home seekers have.
I am homesick for certain people. The ones that make me feel in a certain way. They have this special talent of modelling the curves of my synapses back to brand new self-acknowledgement. I can remember a simple smile, or a certain thing they said, the way they looked at me; we formed this special connection that I still need to understand how it actually works but sort of like a chemistry of souls. Peachy!
I always feel funny about quoting Bukowski considering that he was a drunk, he didn’t go to the gym nor did he eat kale, totally unhealthy and a masochist but he got a few things right. ‘The free soul is rare, but you know it when you see it – basically because you feel good, very good, when you are near or with them.’
In the grand scheme of things, everything else is useless. We interpret the world based on our moods, obsessions, self-imposed goals, discipline and chemical imbalances. We keep searching for a meaning and we end up burning fuel and engine, left emptier than when we started but worthier of someone else’s attention. Right?
Right. This is actually how it works. You can’t own anything. You can filter information, benefit from knowledge and be surrounded by a positive, uplifting vibe or the opposite. But you have nothing and you are nothing. The only time you can own space and gain body, is when you take shape in someone else’s eyes or release energy so your light can shine on someone else’s parade.
And if you ponder about the true source of your depression or the things you do to stay away from it… I can’t think of any attempt of ownership that looks natural or feels natural long term if built by humans. Take families, relationships, businesses… what a ship show. Everyone is constantly recovering from someone else’s mess. Human nature is everything but natural. To heal from human nature, you have to hide in nature, far away from humans or…
Should I buy a cabin in the woods or roam volatile, free and temporary…? Which future 365 days project would make the most sense? 🙂