This post is a result of the many conversations I had about relationships, during my latest travels. It was pretty interesting to find out that age, background, culture and lifestyle did not increase the amount of distinct replies. We all pretty much want the same thing and envision the same white fence and children running around, a wife in apron, a man going hard at his work…
Wait a minute… We picture ourselves as our parents, but could we possibly be less similar? How can we think that their model can still satisfy women or men who now have amazing careers, travel the world, have a high level of education, an incredible amount of experience, zero need to be financially supported, and quite a set of expectations?
We don’t fall in love with the good, plain guys anymore. We want men to be wild, smart, charming; men who change from gym shorts to badass business attire, on a daily basis. We want men who have a lot of experience with women. Who know exactly what we need. Men who read lots of self-help books, get in touch with their sensitive nature but also strong enough to… you know.
We want women who are pretty, fit, successful, witty and fascinating. Women who wear perfumes that smell like wild flowers and sexy confidence. Women who will take 1 second to make a decision and who are not afraid to engage in politic, cultural, tech but also silly conversations. We no longer want women at 90 degrees, we want them at 360.
On top of it all, we’re still dividing our lives in two phases. First – have fun, explore the world, literally have the time of your life, and second – settle down, become boring as, put on a belly and have wet dreams every night.
We’re seriously our worst enemies. How can we possibly strive to be with an awesome man or woman and all we’re thinking about offering in return is a white fence that needs to be painted, a good set of chores, victorian discipline, emasculation, frustration, responsibilities, tedious arguments and the bad sex that comes with all of this?
On the other hand, how can we programme ourselves to have one night stands, drink a little bit too much, party hard, become a bit artsy, maybe a little bit mad, only till the clock strikes 30?
Ok, so can we do things a bit differently? Or at least acknowledge how funked-up the above is?
As many of you might have noticed, I never post stuff about my boyfriend. That’s because I don’t need to splash him all over my social media, pixelate him in a Facebook or Instagram trophy. We both cherish life and share this amazing passion, which is to travel the world. We sometimes do it together and sometimes separately. We love to wander x 2, but also need our own space. We are both free to understand the world and ourselves the way we most feel accurate. We prioritise authenticity and as much lack of hypocrisy as we can. We don’t grow in predefined patterns, but expand through a variety of experiences and interactions that help us bond with the world and give back as much as we can. We resent jealousy, possession and being someone’s property. We resent big egos and any kind of decision making, detrimental to someone’s freedom.
We’re far from perfect, but we love each other like crazy. He’s my most favourite person in the whole world, and I could literally be on the moon, but still feel his presence. We don’t really care if we’re going to last forever, that’s for us to decide each day. What we do know is there will never be any regrets, any “I wish I had”, “I wish I could”, nor any feelings such as wanting to break free or fear of standing alone.
If I may say, we would become victims of our own white fence if we did things any differently. We would forget to have fun, to laugh together, to miss each other and be aware of our true value. We would fight about the most stupid things and feel stuck in the awful side of life, where worrying sucks and time goes by, excruciatingly crushed by routine and righteousness.
Don’t programme your life and end up wasting it both before and after. Stay fun, grow and add meaning to your interactions, each day. You will get so much more out of it. If you find somebody while being on an adventure or while doing something that you love, please don’t torture them afterwards. Don’t see them as your property, safe net or domesticated pet. Don’t kill their spirit – the one you fell in love with in the first place. Feel free to be free and find someone who supports your dreams and sense of adventure. A person who sees beauty in what makes you truly unique. It is not your partner’s duty to heal you from insecurities or lack of identity. Do not let anyone break your spirit and work hard to become an individual first and then somebody’s someone. Apply the same for them. It really is possible.
Cheers to true love, my friends!